Wednesday, April 08, 2009

Why Public Transport Is Awesome. (alternate title- why I shouldn't be allowed out unsupervised...)

Forget saving the planet, yadda yadda, blah blah...Public Transport isn't just eco-friendly and socially responsible. It's Super Fun.

Four Fun Facts For Fun-loving Fellows?.....Fffff ff, I give up...stuff about buses.
In four parts.

Part One.
Bus Drivers.
Some are good, some are great, the greatest of the great, is "Fred".
I named him myself. "Fred" is marvellous, from the moment I stepped onto his bus, from the moment I heard his gruff voice say " 'Ello love, 'ow's yer day bin?" I knew that he was the one.
The one that I would name Fred.
I had already named several bus drivers; "Ernie", "Harrison Ford", "He Who Drives Like A Bloody Maniac", but I'd been saving Fred for a someone special.
And "Fred" is Special. He sort of reminds me of that old guy on Coronation Street. I like to think that when he's not Busing he gives out emphatic advice and cheerfully chops up meat.

Part Two,
Okay, may need several subcategories...
"Characters"... larger than life, wondrous specimens of humanity, entertaining, sometimes even inspiring. Providers of fodder for the regalement (funny voices and arm waving vital) of flatmates.
My current favourite...Miss Margery.
Every Monday I sit on the bus, impatiently waiting for Miss Margery's stop. Every Monday, without fail, she bounces her surprisingly sprightly, 70+ form, up the steps of the bus and greets "Fred" with a cry of "How low can you go?!" which he, without fail, somberly replies "Mornin' Miss Margery, 'ow was yer weekend?"
and, without fail, she responds with a dance step, a (rather raunchy) shimmy and a glee filled giggle.
When I grow up, I want to be Miss Margery.

"Crushes"... Chances are, that at least a third of the people on your bus/train/oversized rickshaw are cute.
I am a serial bus crusher. I am quite capable of developing an irrational infatuation (the best kind) over the space of 40 minutes. As a result of this, I frequently miss my stops, spill the contents of my bag down the aisle and (probably) disturb the thoughts of any nearby psychics with my internal yelps of "No, no! Don't get off yet, don't leave me....byeee....I love you".
Its fun, with a capital F.
(Dear bus girl, oh yes, I saw you smile today...I will win you over yet)

"Corporates"...neither crush-worthy or inspiring...feel free to think of these folk as giant pieces in your Game of Life. There are many, many games you can play. Be creative, use your imagination. My personal favourites?
"Smiling Sweetly At The Shy One" him start, stare and hide behind his newspaper (extra points if he changes colour)
And "Grinning/Winking At The Suspicious One"...much the same as above, but watch him fret over "the dangerous youth of today"(you), the threat they pose to society and their unpredictability (bonus round, eye up his iPod).
People are lovely. I however, am a bit evil.

Part Three.
In my opinion bus trips are the perfect time to listen to music.
And (there's always an and) if you turn the volume on your headphones up loud enough, you can share your music with the entire bus! They'll love you for it! Music Game!
Why not introduce the impeccably coiffed businesswoman sitting across from you, to the musical stylings of Amanda Fucking Palmer...or brighten the sad Emo's day with a Flight of the Concords singalong....give Blokey(staring at your chest)Bloke a taste of Peaches...
Even better (um if you're me), play Tegan and Sara (or adored band of choice) for smiles or nods...if someone actually hums along, pounce!
They are your newest friend. They just don't know it yet.

Finally, and I consider this to be the most compelling part yet,
Part Four.
The (Wellington) buses are yellow! Apart from when they're orange and purple...or lime green, or occasionally bright pink. And who wouldn't want to ride around in a brightly coloured rectangle?
It's almost like sitting in a giant shoebox...there, another fun game...
Pretend to be a shoe. What kind of shoe are you? Are you pointy and dangerous? Or cute and uber-comfy?
Something to think about...while you sit inside your shoebox, singing loudly, making friends with All and actually, maybe not Sundry, he is a bit scared of you.

1 comment:

  1. ok, it's getting scarily like I am reading about myself.

    But written betterer.